Tuesday, December 4, 2007

TIN MAN


The Tin man is standing against the wind.
Protecting me from its grasp.
This man of tin with a body so strong.
A heart that’s been hurt has a golden clasp.

He carries me away with arms of steel.
Hiding me from a world that’s so harsh.
Eyes that are sharp like the blade of a knife.
They reflect the hurt that’s decided his life.

Tin man do you see me with those eyes that show hurt?
Do you feel me with those cold steel arms?
Can I pierce the armor that you have created?
The armor that protects you from all the worlds harms.

I know what the world can do to a soul.
I know what deep chasms can quickly unfold.
I know that I love you even though you don’t show,
That there are feelings inside of your body so cold.

Let me warm you and show you there can be love.
Let me soften your eyes that keep focused above.
Please look down on me now and show me you care.
I so want to touch you and make you aware.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Thanks for the input guys. I have decided to have a slimfast for breakfast and do salads with veggies and tofu for a meal and to cut out the starches all together.

Your right about the water Elise. I can always tell that I feel better when I drink more water. Yes she is way more than odd but I can say that there is no blood connection thank God! She is married to my step brother.

Linda thanks for the tips. I just bought a Tai Chi excercise kit. I am hoping that it will do me some good. I know about the left overs what you say is very logical I just have a hard time getting my southern heritage under control. My grandmother wasted nothing and it has sadly become a part of who I am.

I'm looking to shed about 20 pounds all together but am hoping to get rid of at least 5 pounds maybe 8 in the next two weeks. I've done it before with the South Beach diet but I just don't have time to prepare every single meal like they want you to.

Toodles and Happy Holidays for now Keriam

Friday, November 30, 2007

New Year's resolution

Man! These last few days have been a blur. I am trying to finish up my Christmas shopping and it doesn't seem to be as fun this year as in the past. I guess I have a case of the Bah Hum bugs. I haven't been out doing any photography lately and it's killing me. I love being behind a camera lens. Anybody out there have Rat Terriers? They are like little kids. I have one tucked under my arm right now as I am trying to type.

I need ideas from all the chicks out there. Here's why. I am from the south and I have a sister in law who is the typical Snotty, too much make-up wearing, size-u-up when you walk in the door bitch. She is so stereotypical. She sells Mary Kay and real estate. Has a little Min Pin that she values more than human life and treats everyone else like they are her personal maids. (I'm sure most of you know the type). I swear Scarlett O'hara herself would be embarrassed by this "woman's"(and I use the term woman very, very loosely)attitude. Any way, I want to look my best when I go to my mom's for Christmas Holiday. I'm looking to take off a few pounds before the trip. I got the hair in check and the make-up is looking good but Thanksgiving was not kind to me. I love to cook and I love to eat even more. My daughter and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner just for the two of us and of course we cooked for 4 so we felt obligated to eat it all. You know nothing should go to waste.

Does anyone have any weight loss suggestions? Can't do the exercise thing the sprained ankle I got a week ago still looks terrible and I have a Muscle disease on top of that so weight bearing /lifting exercise "ain't" gonna happen. You know no one would ever look at me and know that anything was wrong with me. What I have is genetic and we didn't know I had it until I was almost 30. I don't dwell on it but I just can't do some things that others take for granted. Maybe I'll write about it sometime but anyhoo back to my weight loss situation. I'm not fat but am not used to weighing as much as I do now and would like to take about 15 pounds off. Walking is good I had started doing that before the sprain. Any help anyone could give would be great.

On a different note my neighbor/slash coworker is starting to get a little too close for comfort. He has started invading my personal space when he talks to me. Every time he is about to say something to me he will lean into my face until he is about 6 inches away and the worst part is his breath always smells. Not knock you out smell but activate the gag reflex smell. Why is it we never have the courage to tell the ones we know best when they have something like that going on? We let people walk around with green in their teeth and toilet paper hanging out of their pants. I have told him before don't hug me, don't touch me, just talk that's it and limit what you say to me. I don't want any too personal, make me uncomfortable conversation. He is so head over heels. I don't understand it. I am always borderline bitchy to him trying to get him to back off and it never works. He just takes it and doesn't seem to mind.

I really miss intimacy like some sort of relationship. I have told you guys in earlier posts what my marriage has come to. It isn't marriage anymore. I would just like to know that I still got it I guess but not from my neighbor who is married with 3 very small kids and looks like a cross between Barney Fife and Gilligan. Plus I've been on the receiving end of cheating before and I don't think he ever would cheat on his wife but don't want to be the source of any conflict.
I like the idea of independence but would love to have some companionship. You know someone to talk to and laugh with. Someone to hold hands with and go on adventures with. I don't think I would want to step into the marriage thing any time soon.

I'm going home for the holidays. My son went with his dad over Thanksgiving to go visit his family. Now I am taking the kids to see my family for Christmas. It is my jumping off point. I've decided things are going to be different starting Jan. 1st. New look, new outlook. Hopefully with the new year comes a brighter future. It will if I have anything to do with it.

This is my New Year's Resolution. To be on the outside the person that I am on the inside.
No more keeping me trapped inside from now on my little light's gonna shine bright.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Leave Your Mark

Standing atop this Earth that turns
While rapidly our life still burns

Robotically walking our path so plain
To only ourselves we cast the blame

Now is the time to cross the line
Move out of mundane into sublime

Don't leave a legacy of nothing done
Show the future what they can become

It's never too late to make this move
Don't waste more time for there's none to lose

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Saturday, November 24, 2007

EYES

Laughing eyes catch my glance turning it into a stare.
A flicker inside my heart begins to excite my soul.
The laughter spreads from your eyes to your smile.
I can feel something inside me taking hold.

I notice your eyes have begun to change, like spring jumps into summer.
I feel my body start to relax, my mind begins to trust.
These eyes begin to speak to me with a voice that is so kind.
I’m afraid to take the wall away, it’s always been a must.

Your eyes again begin to change, kindness turns into concern.
The wall I feel it tumbling down, my secrets I start to tell.
I shudder now my fear alive, knowing that you will leave.
Putting me back into my dungeon, the name of which is hell.

Hungry eyes have now arrived, devouring me with their gaze.
I burn inside with a raging fire, looking turns into touch.
Hunger moves from sight to sound then into the physical.
Our bodies melting into one, love comes in a fiery rush.

Your eyes now take on a different look, one I’ve never seen.
Protective, loving, tears now fall where once laughter reigned.
The last brick that stands upon my wall crashes to the ground.
My eyes now see what yours have shown, the love that we’ve both gained.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Man this day truly sucks.

I'm at work on a Saturday (bad enough) and I just sprained my ankle. At least the cold I have is on the down swing. I guess I'm just grumpy 'cause I didn't get good sleep last night.


Elise you sound like you have the premo job. All I do is make toilet paper for a living. It is interesting and there are no shortages of off-the-wall characters to work with though. My neighbor is also my co-worker and is pretty much in love with me but will always remain faithful to his wife(that's just the kind of guy he is. I admire him for that)but he is so transparent about how he feels about me and it's kind of weirding me out. I don't know what to do about this. I value his friendship but feel like I'm walking on eggshells so as not to encourage him. His brother is hot and I work with him also. Too bad he's married and much younger than I am. And his personality is nothing like what I would look for in a guy.

Can't say that I would even be looking for anyone. My "husband" and I live peacefully together so as not to upset the kids. I think we will always be friends which is good considering we have children together. Just not having to answer to someone right now is what I'm craving more than anything.

He's taking our son to visit his family for Thanksgiving so I will have to see what I can get into while they are gone. My daughter and I will be living life on the edge for a few days.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Him

Who is he?

He is the one who knows me.
His gaze penetrates the innermost rooms of my heart.
He roams the corridors of my soul where even I am afraid to tread.

He uncovers all of my darkest fears.
Understanding them.
Loving me despite them.
Casting rays of light everywhere my mind will allow.

This man accepts me and patiently tends my heart,
causing blossoms to grow amongst the rocks.
He sees my beauty and is enraptured by it.

I urge the setting of the sun.
Watching as it slips behind the hills.
Taking with it the hazardous trappings of the day.

Where will I find him?
He is in the sleep that is soon to overtake me.

I trust his eyes.
They peer so intensely into mine.
Only there do I learn what genuine, unfailing love is.

He prepares me for the rising of the sun.
Allowing me to carry his courage within me like a banner through the day.

Does this man exist outside of my dream world?
I don't think so, not for me.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Wasted Time

You promised me you loved me.
You brought me into your life.
My heart flourished within your love.
We took our vows and I became your wife.

As time went by you began to change.
Your love turned into hate.
Your angry words cut me to the core.
The end of life I began to wait.

I tried my best to make things work.
Everything I tried to no avail.
You coldness burns my heart to ash.
The lid on my coffin you’ll never nail.

I take the pain and tears you’ve caused.
I’ll use them to make me smarter.
The path you’ve taken is now yours alone.
The path I follow leads me much farther.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND HEAR THIS:

THE BREEZE FLOWING THRU THE AGED PINE TREES
THE CICADAS SINGING THEIR HYPNOTIC LULLABY
THE WAVES LAPPING AT THE DOCKS STRONG LEGS
THE BOB WHITE WOOING HIS LOVE

AND SEE THIS:

THE SUN PEEKING BETWEEN THE OAK TREE’S ARMS
THE HAWK DANCING CIRCLES IN THE SKY
THE PINE TREES SWAYING IN TIME TO THE WIND’S PEACEFUL SONG
THE WATER SHIMMERING LIKE STARS TWINKLING IN THE NIGHT SKY

AND FEEL THIS:

THE WRINKLED AND PARCHED PLANKS OF THE DECK ON YOUR FEET
THE COOL WATER AS IT FLOWS ACROSS YOUR HAND
THE SWEAT AS IT SLIDES DOWN THE HOLLOW OF YOUR BACK
THE BREEZE AS IT TEASES THE MOISTURE ON YOUR BODY

ENJOY ONE DAY OF MY LIFE


(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Monday, October 22, 2007

Hey Guys

Okay, I think everybody has a post where they are down so here is mine.

My marriage SUCKS!!!
My job SUCKS!!!
I'm BROKE!!!

Whew! I feel better.

I am super lonely though. My marriage has turned into a co-existense of two individuals who happen to have two kids together. I haven't gotten a divorce yet because there happens to be really no reason to. I am not emotionally attached to anyone else and it happens to be convenient for now. For both of us. I'm not cold hearted we both feel the same way. He cheated on me and regrets it but we both feel like we have come to an end as far as our marriage goes.

My job really isn't that bad. It pays the bills and allows me to live my life relatively like I want to. Right now we are still combining both of our incomes so that helps. Once I am out on my own it will be somewhat tighter but I don't care freedom counts for alot.

I have a great family that is very supportive of me and that means everything to me. They are very non-judgemental. There is no pressure they want to just be happy and for the kids to be happy.

By the way, I really need to have you guys give me some input on my last post.

Hard-Suck, Oh yeah, I didn't tell you about him did I? He is the newest edition to my team. He is officially an idiot. My job requires that we stay on top of things. Manufacturing is pretty fast paced. He seems to not understand this point. I have come to the cynical realization that I blame everything on him whether he is around or not. If it is something wrong he did it as far as I'm concerned. Slugs move faster than he does and his brain processes information at the speed of diamonds being formed. Everyday I work we all lay bets on what utterly stupid thing he is going to do or say during the shift. We call him hard suck because he did one of those homemade tattoo things on his hands and one letter per finger spells out h-a-r-d _-u-c-k. We are all guessing that the 1st letter on the second hand is an l but it is all messed up and looks like an s. Hence the name hard suck. I wish everyone knew the ins and outs of paper manufacturing then I could relate some specific storys and ya'll would understand what I was talking about. Given that most people don't I won't bore you with the details.

God I hate feeling lonely. Okay, okay. No more pity party. I'm am going to go read some of Chris or Neal's stuff they always make me laugh uncontrollably.

Ta Ta for now.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Sunday, October 14, 2007

It's been a few days since my last post. My son did well in soccer and my daughter is a true butt kicker in every sense of the word. I finally have a weekend to my self. No work, no soccer, no tae kwon do. Just me and the computer. I have been getting a kick out of Elise's detecting in her office. Makes my day. I also get a kick out of Chris's http://customerssuck.blogspot.com/ and Neal's http://nealwroberts.blogspot.com/ .
I worked customer service for quite a while and truly sympathize.

My job is just as screwed up. I have a guy that think's he's God's gift to women and regales us all with stories of his multiple conquest while he takes his smoke break. We'll call him the dreamer. I work with a guy that looks like Mr. Bean. He can't walk anywhere unless he's balls to the walls and talks to himself. He has to have one hand in a pocket and his other hand out shaking his finger at nothing. He also will clap 3 times in a row. What for I don't know. He we will name Mr. Bean for obvious reasons. There is one other woman besides me on my team. She is the monitor of everyone else's business. I'll call her Mrs. Potato head because she not only has eyes in the back of her head but all over it so that she can catch someone doing something wrong at any given time.

Recently Dreamer wanted to play a little gag on some of the crew that works on the operating line next to ours so he put some grease on their computer mouse. Well their manager happened to be the one who found it. The hard way. Needless to say, he didn't appreciate it. He took it upon himself to find and crucify the person that did it. Well of all the times to run his mouth about something this was it. But would he. Noooo. He hung us all out to dry. Luckily for the rest of us, the intent of the corrective action system is not to punish everyone for a suspicion but one person for a fact. I would love to have some input on how to pay dreamer back for his yellow back. Comment away and I'll pick the best one and let you all know what happens.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Wishing

Pull me down into your world.
Wrap me up with your life.
Drink the tears upon my face.
Drain the sorrow from my soul.

Fill me up with warm desire.
Teach me things I do not know.
Caress my heart with your sweet touch.
Please don’t take your love from me.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Monday, October 8, 2007

DREAMS

Darkness falls in the recesses of my mind.
Mists circle and brew, creating figures behind my eyes.

Echos of peace and serenity flowing just beyond my reach.
This is the world that I love, that I never want to leave.

It wraps me in it's warmth, protecting me from harsh reality. Calming all my senses giving me pleasure beyond all belief.

My strength lies within this world. It flows through my veins like hot lava coursing down a mountain.
Laughing uncontrollably, running wildly, soaring to the heavens.

Time passes too quickly here. Without warning, I feel the rush of reality drowning out the world that I have created. Melting the edges of my dreams like crayons in the hot sun.

Whisperings of fear brushing against my ears.
It is my own voice crying out against the tidal way of panic that
lights the way for reality to invade my mind.


Sun light peeks into the corners of my eyes,
washing away the last remnants of my mystic world.
Showing reality the path back into my mind.
Ushering in the callous stares of all those who live without dreams.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Friday, October 5, 2007

SNOW

Snow, so soft and beautifully white.
Shimmering in the sun, calling me out.
Snow, so deceiving, hiding things under it's blanket.
Wet and cold, all kinds of dark dirty secrets below it's surface.

Hope is the brother of snow.
A delightful figure in your mind.
Beckoning you forward one ginger step at a time.
Promising happy endings and reality to your dreams.

Hope is deceiving, a suave demon whose hypnotic eyes
lure you forward only to sting and bite scarring the surface of your soul.
His icy steel fingers finding purchase over your heart,
tearing and ripping, caustic laughter ringing in your ears.

Ceaseless pain going deeper and deeper until satisfied by your
involuntary screams.
Snow covering those screams, muffling the sound of your voice
so no one hears the agony leaping from your soul.

Brothers working in dark harmony.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

My Hobby-below are a few of my photographs
























(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved













Introducing myself

So I finally started a blog of my own. Didn't ever think I would want to do that but sometimes you just have to have a place to go where you can talk and be yourself without any ridicule from the people who are supposed to love you most.
Enough about that.

I am in my late 30's and feel like I haven't begun to live life yet. I love photography(hobby level only). I love my computer(keeps me in touch with the world and my games). I love animals(I have a cat and 3 dogs). I love the outdoors(born and raised down south in the country). Those are the simple things that tell part of who I am and what I'm all about.

I used to write in journals alot so there will probably be times when I just post a poem or something and not anything about my day. Just depends on my mood.

Today I'm packing to go to a soccer tournament this weekend for my teenage son. My daughter(also a teenager) takes Tai Kwon Do and will have a tournament of her own next weekend luckily it will be local and I won't have to travel over the weekend. I'm glad I had my kids while I was young so I will still be able to enjoy myself when they are out on their own. I guess that's why I feel like I really haven't lived yet though. It took some of my youth away from me to be a mom so early on.

I have a picture of Ireland on my blog. I really would love to move there someday. My family history tracks back there. I have a cousin who lives there now. She has for about 20 years. Just below Dublin in a church she restored and made into her home. She has a daughter who's a gymnastic superstar. Glenda and Gaia have come back and forth for visits but I haven't ever made it there to visit. Maybe when the kiddies are in college and I have a life of my own again.

Well back to packing. Then I'm off to root for my baby boy!
(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved