New Year's resolution

Man! These last few days have been a blur. I am trying to finish up my Christmas shopping and it doesn't seem to be as fun this year as in the past. I guess I have a case of the Bah Hum bugs. I haven't been out doing any photography lately and it's killing me. I love being behind a camera lens. Anybody out there have Rat Terriers? They are like little kids. I have one tucked under my arm right now as I am trying to type.

I need ideas from all the chicks out there. Here's why. I am from the south and I have a sister in law who is the typical Snotty, too much make-up wearing, size-u-up when you walk in the door bitch. She is so stereotypical. She sells Mary Kay and real estate. Has a little Min Pin that she values more than human life and treats everyone else like they are her personal maids. (I'm sure most of you know the type). I swear Scarlett O'hara herself would be embarrassed by this "woman's"(and I use the term woman very, very loosely)attitude. Any way, I want to look my best when I go to my mom's for Christmas Holiday. I'm looking to take off a few pounds before the trip. I got the hair in check and the make-up is looking good but Thanksgiving was not kind to me. I love to cook and I love to eat even more. My daughter and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner just for the two of us and of course we cooked for 4 so we felt obligated to eat it all. You know nothing should go to waste.

Does anyone have any weight loss suggestions? Can't do the exercise thing the sprained ankle I got a week ago still looks terrible and I have a Muscle disease on top of that so weight bearing /lifting exercise "ain't" gonna happen. You know no one would ever look at me and know that anything was wrong with me. What I have is genetic and we didn't know I had it until I was almost 30. I don't dwell on it but I just can't do some things that others take for granted. Maybe I'll write about it sometime but anyhoo back to my weight loss situation. I'm not fat but am not used to weighing as much as I do now and would like to take about 15 pounds off. Walking is good I had started doing that before the sprain. Any help anyone could give would be great.

On a different note my neighbor/slash coworker is starting to get a little too close for comfort. He has started invading my personal space when he talks to me. Every time he is about to say something to me he will lean into my face until he is about 6 inches away and the worst part is his breath always smells. Not knock you out smell but activate the gag reflex smell. Why is it we never have the courage to tell the ones we know best when they have something like that going on? We let people walk around with green in their teeth and toilet paper hanging out of their pants. I have told him before don't hug me, don't touch me, just talk that's it and limit what you say to me. I don't want any too personal, make me uncomfortable conversation. He is so head over heels. I don't understand it. I am always borderline bitchy to him trying to get him to back off and it never works. He just takes it and doesn't seem to mind.

I really miss intimacy like some sort of relationship. I have told you guys in earlier posts what my marriage has come to. It isn't marriage anymore. I would just like to know that I still got it I guess but not from my neighbor who is married with 3 very small kids and looks like a cross between Barney Fife and Gilligan. Plus I've been on the receiving end of cheating before and I don't think he ever would cheat on his wife but don't want to be the source of any conflict.
I like the idea of independence but would love to have some companionship. You know someone to talk to and laugh with. Someone to hold hands with and go on adventures with. I don't think I would want to step into the marriage thing any time soon.

I'm going home for the holidays. My son went with his dad over Thanksgiving to go visit his family. Now I am taking the kids to see my family for Christmas. It is my jumping off point. I've decided things are going to be different starting Jan. 1st. New look, new outlook. Hopefully with the new year comes a brighter future. It will if I have anything to do with it.

This is my New Year's Resolution. To be on the outside the person that I am on the inside.
No more keeping me trapped inside from now on my little light's gonna shine bright.

Leave Your Mark

Standing atop this Earth that turns
While rapidly our life still burns

Robotically walking our path so plain
To only ourselves we cast the blame

Now is the time to cross the line
Move out of mundane into sublime

Don't leave a legacy of nothing done
Show the future what they can become

It's never too late to make this move
Don't waste more time for there's none to lose

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

EYES

Laughing eyes catch my glance turning it into a stare.
A flicker inside my heart begins to excite my soul.
The laughter spreads from your eyes to your smile.
I can feel something inside me taking hold.

I notice your eyes have begun to change, like spring jumps into summer.
I feel my body start to relax, my mind begins to trust.
These eyes begin to speak to me with a voice that is so kind.
I’m afraid to take the wall away, it’s always been a must.

Your eyes again begin to change, kindness turns into concern.
The wall I feel it tumbling down, my secrets I start to tell.
I shudder now my fear alive, knowing that you will leave.
Putting me back into my dungeon, the name of which is hell.

Hungry eyes have now arrived, devouring me with their gaze.
I burn inside with a raging fire, looking turns into touch.
Hunger moves from sight to sound then into the physical.
Our bodies melting into one, love comes in a fiery rush.

Your eyes now take on a different look, one I’ve never seen.
Protective, loving, tears now fall where once laughter reigned.
The last brick that stands upon my wall crashes to the ground.
My eyes now see what yours have shown, the love that we’ve both gained.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Man this day truly sucks.

I'm at work on a Saturday (bad enough) and I just sprained my ankle. At least the cold I have is on the down swing. I guess I'm just grumpy 'cause I didn't get good sleep last night.


Elise you sound like you have the premo job. All I do is make toilet paper for a living. It is interesting and there are no shortages of off-the-wall characters to work with though. My neighbor is also my co-worker and is pretty much in love with me but will always remain faithful to his wife(that's just the kind of guy he is. I admire him for that)but he is so transparent about how he feels about me and it's kind of weirding me out. I don't know what to do about this. I value his friendship but feel like I'm walking on eggshells so as not to encourage him. His brother is hot and I work with him also. Too bad he's married and much younger than I am. And his personality is nothing like what I would look for in a guy.

Can't say that I would even be looking for anyone. My "husband" and I live peacefully together so as not to upset the kids. I think we will always be friends which is good considering we have children together. Just not having to answer to someone right now is what I'm craving more than anything.

He's taking our son to visit his family for Thanksgiving so I will have to see what I can get into while they are gone. My daughter and I will be living life on the edge for a few days.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved

Him

Who is he?

He is the one who knows me.
His gaze penetrates the innermost rooms of my heart.
He roams the corridors of my soul where even I am afraid to tread.

He uncovers all of my darkest fears.
Understanding them.
Loving me despite them.
Casting rays of light everywhere my mind will allow.

This man accepts me and patiently tends my heart,
causing blossoms to grow amongst the rocks.
He sees my beauty and is enraptured by it.

I urge the setting of the sun.
Watching as it slips behind the hills.
Taking with it the hazardous trappings of the day.

Where will I find him?
He is in the sleep that is soon to overtake me.

I trust his eyes.
They peer so intensely into mine.
Only there do I learn what genuine, unfailing love is.

He prepares me for the rising of the sun.
Allowing me to carry his courage within me like a banner through the day.

Does this man exist outside of my dream world?
I don't think so, not for me.

(c)2007 K. Brown all rights reserved